I was intoxicated by the cheap Southwest introductory fares — $45 ($72 after taxes) roundtrip to Maui. I figured I’d catch an early flight, spend the day on Maui, then catch the last flight back to Oahu. Hey, they’ve got busses on Maui, too. I could expand my bus travels to a new island. This could be great.
In retrospect it was a mistake from the start. I wasn’t thinking straight. The earliest flight I could get was 0830, arriving Maui at 0915. That’s 25 minutes flight time and 10 minutes aircraft taxi time on both ends. The plan was to then catch a bus to Lahaina, which was only about 25 miles away, then catch the 1700 flight back to Oahu.
The day was an adventure, but not much fun. The times were too tight, and the airport experience always sucks. Having to run the TSA gamut twice in one short day should have weighed more heavily in my decision. Renting a car in Maui would have given me more time on that end, as opposed to counting on the somewhat limited Maui bus system. But we all know I’m a sucker for busses, and did I mention the cheap air fare?
I figured I could catch a bus from the airport to Lahaina directly, but in fact you had to first catch a bus into Kahului town, and then another bus to Lahaina. Had to wait for 45 minutes at the airport for a bus, then wait another 50 minutes in Kahului, so didn’t arrive in Lahaina until 1140. Upon arriving in Lahaina and studying the return bus schedule, I decided I needed to catch the 1330 bus back to Kahului in order to ensure I got back to the airport by a little after 1500, for my 1700 flight.
I only had an hour and 50 minutes to hang in Lahaina. So, during the course of my 13-hour travel day, I would spend one hour and 50 minutes at my destination. Pretty thin gruel for a leisurely travel schedule. But of course life is a journey, not a destination. So too was Waipahu Bob’s one-day Maui trip.
Arriving at the Honolulu Airport at 0600, I foolishly went to Terminal 1, which handles inter-island flights exclusively. But not the Southwest flights, which were leaving out of Terminal 2. So I hoofed over there, got through the security checks with the usual fun—slight confusion processing the foreign family of five in front of me, uncertainty on whether all shoes and belts are coming off or not; sorry sir, that’s 4 ounces of sunscreen, only 3.4 ounces allowed, we’ll have to confiscate, etc..
Good news and bad news regarding the plane. It was only half full, so lots of room. On the other hand, the safety pamphlet said the aircraft was a Boeing 737-800 or 737-MAX8. Hey, wait a second, this better be a 737-800, ‘cause that MAX baby is supposed to be grounded. In any case, I was keen during takeoff to sense for any ill-advised auto-corrections based on a faulty attitude indicator. If need be, during the 45 seconds the pilot might have to save us from death, I could burst onto the flight deck and recommend the pilot shut down all the autopilot stuff and try acting like a real pilot, not some video game remote viewer. I could also give the standard C-130 navigator technical advice that has stood me well over the years – “Hey, have you tried resetting the circuit breakers?” I’m sure my presence in the cockpit during this critical phase of flight would be much appreciated. Thankfully, the flight to Maui was uneventful and my heroics were not needed.
Waiting for the bus to Kahului I got to overhear a guy from Alaska trying to make time with a local haole Maui girl. He was an aircraft mechanic, and when asked about her employment, she responded she was “just cruising.” Based on her look and her tone, she was “just cruising” with ample money, as opposed to beach bumming it. He was very inquisitive about what to do and see in Maui, and she was happy to talk and suggest things. But things usually go only so far at a bus stop. He offered to treat her to lunch so they could discuss further, if she wasn’t in a hurry to get home. But she was in a hurry to get home, she quickly stated….a little too quickly for a gentle let down. At any rate, I admired the guy’s pluck, swinging hard for the fences fresh off the flight. Luckily the bus arrived shortly, as conversation became more subdued.
It was only a 15 minute ride into Kahului, but waiting for my second bus there was a bit testy. I had some time to kill before the 1030 bus to Lahaina, so I walked around the mall which was adjacent to the bus stop area. When I arrived back at the bus stop at 1020 there was already a long line waiting for the 1030 bus to Lahaina. A big cruise ship had docked in Kahului, and the disembarked passengers were scattering to enjoy their 5 hours of island time. A bunch of them were heading to Lahaina. Based on where I was in the line, I wasn’t sure there would be room for me on the bus.
Yeah, there was room, but I (and 10 other people) had to stand for the one hour bus ride to Lahaina. It wasn’t too bad, except for harsh words with some guy who got off at the stop before Lahaina. As I said, I was standing the whole time, and I was standing next to the mid-bus exit door. 99% of the people were heading all the way to Lahaina, but one person got off at an earlier stop, and one person was getting off at this last stop before Lahaina. Being a savvy bus veteran, I looked around as we slowed for the bus stop, to see if anybody was making a move to get out. I didn’t see anybody, so I just stood there bracing myself by hanging onto the overhead holds.
Then I hear a guy sitting down say, “Are you getting off?”
I wasn’t sure who he was talking to. I turned and looked down at the guy sitting behind me and said, “Excuse me.”
“Are you getting off?” he said again gruffly, then stood and pushed by me to the door.
I stood there for a second, slightly confused, then said to the guy, “The question is, are you getting off.”
I probably should have held my powder, but there it is, and it really lit his fuse.
“Yeah, I’m getting off, but you were blocking my fucking way.”
“Then why didn’t you ask me to move, rather than ask if I’m getting off. I’ve been standing here the whole time, man; I’ve got nowhere to go.”
The dude gets really agitated now and screams back, “You need to get out of people’s way.”
I took a step back and slid into the seat he had just vacated, and said, “Be cool brother, no need to get upset. Let’s both have a good day.”
The bus stops, door opens, and the dude steps out onto the sidewalk, still mumbling.
Like usual, after a bad interaction, I re-play it in my mind. I asked the old woman sitting next to me, one of the cruise ship gang, if I had missed something, had the guy asked me to move and I missed it? No she said, that guy had a bad attitude from the moment he sat next to her. Another one of the standing passengers volunteered that the guy had been a jerk. I said, oh well, maybe he was having a bad day. Another passenger suggested we pray for him. Anyway, next stop Lahaina!
Lahaina is cool. Nice string of eatery, drinkery and shoppery establishments along the waterfront. Heavy tourist area. There was another cruise ship anchored off of Lahaina, so the streets were busy. I walked a mile or so north on Front Street, along the shoreline, then backtracked a block inland for a different look. I stopped at a second story place with a good view of the harbor. I had a good hamburger and a 20-ounce beer—the best part of the trip, relaxing and enjoying the harbor view while sipping a Sam Adams.
Hey, look at the time; I need to get back to the bus stop by 1320, because I’ll probably be fighting that cruise ship gang for a seat on the 1330 to Kahului. Again, not the most leisurely trip.
Yep, line was already 20 deep waiting for the bus. I made the cut getting on the bus, but some did not. Next bus was in an hour, likely leaving those folks to get taxis or Uber. I heard a guy say it was a $40 Uber to get there. Cab fare is more. It cost me $4 for a day pass on the bus, but I should have rented a car. That would have given me 5 more hours to play with, as opposed to waiting for busses. And yes, I had to stand for the entire bus ride back.
The keystone cops saga of bus riding continued when it was found out that several elderly bus riders were on the wrong bus. Most of the bus riders were heading back to the cruise ship anchored off of Kahului, but several folks were incorrectly hustled onto this bus by expeditors at the last bus stop. “Yes, yes, this bus goes back to cruise ship,” they said. More correctly, they should have said this bus goes back to the Celebrity cruise ship in Kahului, as opposed to the other two cruise ships currently anchored off Maui at other places.
I got back to the airport at 1500, back to Honolulu at 1745, and back home at 1900. I had logged a 13-hour day. Ah, but that hour and a half in Lahaina was sweet!
Catch you in the funny papers. Peace and out!
Waipahu Bob 